Question & Answer
Q: What a great listing - I
ve tagged it on my Facebook page in the hope that my son whos a strapping 6ft 2" rugby player will read it. Oh, and he`s also GINGER and he LOVES to tackle bullies! Good Luck with your car. 14-Mar-10
A: Funnily enough I work with a strapping 6’2 ginger rugby player. Hopefully he won’t read this, and hopefully your lad won’t win this auction, otherwise I’m getting my head kicked in. Twice.
Q: hi there, is the rear view mirror still in place, the reason i ask. many years ago i would have sold a lot of these fine machines as a car trader. and because the valve stem oil seals always give up they blew a lot of smoke hence the removal off the mirror, as you drove off into the sunset from me you could not see me coughing and choking on the smoke. nor could you see the lovely trail you left behind, oh no i am giving away the secrets of the car trade. 14-Mar-10
A: I did remove it, but only to prevent a nasty accident occuring in the event of a little ginger head popping up from behind the back seat whilst driving.
Q: Well ello olly, I don’t really want your silly little car, I already have a young and sparkling Jaguar. The trouble is I also own a decrepit and beaten up old wife. The body has gone to pot, there is a problem with the suspension, there is a worrying leak and you can’t hear the test match because she rattles on so much. Therefore my question is would you take the sparkling Jaguar and the decrepit wife in a straight swap for the Micra and your young and sparkling fiancé? Her mother would not be part of the deal but I will happily throw in the wife’s mother if that will clinch the deal. Jim 14-Mar-10
A: Well nowadays, going oriental seems to be a very innovative way of curing that high pitched whine that seems to be an inherent trait amongst both British cars and British women. Unfortunately I won’t be able to hold up my end of the deal, as she is still with her mother. But have a bid on the Micra, and try some of those gentlemans oriental websites to see if they offer any of those part exchange schemes. You might get a couple of grand in scrappage for her.
Q: Hi Are you participating in the government scrappage scheme ?. I have a very large shed a Renault master hitop van ,Renault standing for Rusty european nogood absolute loada trash . I have owned it for over a year ,it has an MOT ,it is taxed (only for about five days ) .I think this is compliant with the schemes requiremnts . the only thing is that the car you are selling is not a new one .I think we can get over that small detail as my brother in law has ginger hair although balding . So if I win the auction for say £600 ? this means you get the Renault master and I get the micra and a cheque for £1400 . Thanks Regards Keith 14-Mar-10
A: Sounds like a completely hairbrained scheme dreamed up by an overpaid dribbling halfwit with about as much of a grasp on reality as that Kate Jordan bint. Are you a government official by any chance?
Q: Dear Mr 755, seeing your advertisement reminded me of my ex wife’s Y plate Nissan Micra that I bought her for £258. It came in Rust red, had acceleration akin to your average tectonic plate and a radio that produced 2 watts of complete distortion on full bore. Prior to that she had an Allegro which she swore blind was the safest car ever built because as she put it - if you go round a corner and the wheel drops off, Allegroes. However, I digress. My question is, could you give me a price for postage to Willenhall, near Paul’s chip shop on the square? Many thanks Geoff 13-Mar-10
A: You bought her an All Aggro, and then a Nissan Micra?? No wonder she’s now your ex wife.
Q: after reading your description i’m tempted to make an offer even though i dont want or need a car 13-Mar-10
A: I didn’t want or need a car either until I went to the pub with Crispy. So bid away.
Q: May the Good Lord have mercy on my soul. I just Googled “rusty bullet” and have been corrupted. If I win this auction, and yes, I really would like to own the Micra; would collection of the vehicle under cover of darkness be acceptable to yourself? I’d not be worried about driving the 140ish miles home, but what if someone saw me in the car? I’d surely die a virgin. John. 13-Mar-10
A: I see you are a serious punter John. Have you not been well recently? Anyway I think a cunning disguise would be better: if you won the car and turned up at my house dressed as Al Jolson and carrying a banjo, then I would gladly pay for your petrol home and buy you a Ginsters pasty of your choice from the filling station.
Q: Its a lovely car no doubt and the best advert Ive read on Ebay since tea time but my issue lays with the ginger kid. You mention that he may now get bullied as he has lost his brilliant hiding place. Does he already have a bully? If not, would you be willing to divulge his address so I can arrange a bully? God I hate gingers. Thank you, Adz. 13-Mar-10
A: Well I was actually intending to describe the Micra as “Beaten, like a ginger stepchild”. But I didn’t think I would get away with it.
Q: Dear Sir, STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL I am Lady Maryam Abacha, wife of late General Sani Abacha, Ex-military Head of states of the Federal Republic of Nigeria who died on 8th June 1998 of heart problems. l contacted you because of my need to deal with persons whom my family and l have had no previous personal relationships. Since the death of my husband, my family had been subjected to all sorts of harassment’s and intimidation with lots of negative reports emanating from the government and the press about my husband. The present government has also ensured that our bank accounts are frozen and all assets seized. It is in view of this that I seek your cooperation and assistance in the transfer of the sum of US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million United States Dollars only) being the very last of my family fund in my possession and control. An earlier attempt in the physical movement of the sum of US$47,000,000.00 was to no avail as the money was confiscated and my International passport impound 13-Mar-10
A: Wow!! Really?? My account number is 21345779; sort code: 16-29-87, bank name: Royal Bank of **** Off.
Q: Your idiotic description of your car only shows what a prat you are. 13-Mar-10
A: Mum, it’s way past your bedtime. I’ll call you in the morning love.
Q: Can you leave it unlocked for the ginger kid one last time? And does he have a pretty mouth? 13-Mar-10
A: Just. Plain. Wierd.
Q: Nice ride. What’s she rolling on? 13’s? 13-Mar-10
A: Sorry I don’t understand a word you are saying, you must from America, right?
Q: I need something for teaching little ginger kids how to shoot air rifles. I also need to store my air rifles in a locked container thanks to some silly bint in power. Anyway, I assume the three doors all lock? Can I use your neighbors ornament to put the car in for shooting at if I win the auction. The only problem is there may be four or five gingers in your neighbors garden and I may set the thing on fire, but I suppose burning it is a communal service. Thank you. 13-Mar-10
A: Christ. You’re not Charles Manson bidding on your mum and dad’s account are you?
Q: Are you licensed to offer Finance on this vehicle? The reason I ask is, I can see it going for some serious money. If only for the fact it can later be sold on as having once been owned by a well known writer. Like that bloke who wrote Harry Potter 13-Mar-10
A: I’m not bloody DFS. Still you have a point: if that Rowling fella can make himself a packet from writing fantasy rubbish, then there’s a chance. The Micra could be on Antiques Roadshow in a year or two, and I could get to meet Fiona Bruce’s leather pants.
Q: Hi Olly - love the ad. Are you that guy that sings on the telly, because if you are, I may be tempted?! x 12-Mar-10
A: Well I’ve just asked a 12 year old, and I think you are comparing me to some pubescent teen warbler. Who lost. I’m far better looking, and probably more comparable to the other Olly, who did sing a bit, but mainly on 80’s chat shows before gulping large quantities of vodka and orange from a jug and falling over.
Q: Blimey, after that write-up I’m even considering bidding to buy the old girl back myself! Especially since it’s nearly summer and my new car’s stereo doesn’t do Long Wave! 12-Mar-10
A: Crispy! You mean to say you actually want it back now? Are you on solvents?
Q: Cool car - The Ginger Stowaway model was always my favourite. Its a pity someone has modified it during it’s lifetime with the blingbling alloys and chavvy blue body-kit with matching phat exhaust (I phink that’s how you spell phat? Oh phuck knows!), otherwised Id’ve been interested. Good luck with the sale though mate 12-Mar-10
A: Aaah, so THAT what GS means. Are you saying that it is actually a blinged up version? Does that mean it’s worth more?
Q: Hello OLLY! You are soooo funny tagged this in facebook. To disprove your theory on the pub parking and kebab throwing my 1989 micra auto got nicked outside a pub while I was working at the hospital 3 weeks ago! still not got the little love back yet…wait a minute that blue looks freshly sprayed and Nissan would’nt spray a car that s**t. R U sure your not a secret micra car theif. I’m calling the cops!!! But seriously does this car function I’m pining for my reliable old friend. It needs to travel 100 miles a day commute to Sheffield and back is this blue banger up to the job. Regards Amanada 12-Mar-10
A: Oh dear Amanda, sorry to hear about that. What were they thinking? No seriously, what were they? They must be pretty rubbish thieves: I bet they got laughed off the estate when they turned up in a Micra. Sorry but I didn’t half-inch your nice little car: I have had to put up with the embarrasment and constant ridicule of owning just this one. Personally I wouldn’t bet against this car doing 100 miles a day without any problem whatsoever, although the odds shorten considerably if it was on a trailer. Just remember that Nissans are reliable, whereas Maseratis are not.
Q: Hi. What is the silver paint around the rear arches for? Thanks. 12-Mar-10
A: It’s some really good rust preventer called Rusty Bullet. When I told my wife-to-be that I had been looking at Rusty Bullet on the internet, she confiscated the laptop, called the police, and went to stay with her mother.
Q: If I win the auction, do I have to take the car away? Thanks 12-Mar-10
A: Please god yes. But feel free to abandon it down the road on our neighbour’s ornamental rockery.