Stupid things EAs say

To complement the ‘stupid EA photos’ thread, how about some stupid EA descriptions? (Apologies if such a thread exists - couldn’t find it.) Anyway, for starters, this gem from ‘Dublin 4 Shortlets’:

"AVAILABLE 28th. April - Large stylish 2 bedroom HOUSE, situated close to Dublin 2. Berystede is an enclave of peace and quiet amidst the hubris of the South City. A short walk to the Ranelagh and the Luas, or Mount Street Bridge,and St. Stephens Green beyond this House is ideally located. … n/1431603/"


I dunno, 'hubris of South City" seems quite apt. Might not be what the EA wanted to convey though.

A " luxury " home

Since when did you hear an E.A. describe a house as ordinary

Similarly, when is an apartment described as anything other than “spacious”.

Probably best to avoid putting “44 sq.m.” in the same sentence though: … in/934139/

An new description for a semi-d… but surely its worthy a detached status!

They don’t tend to understand adverbs either:

“Elegantly situated on Lower Kimmage Road” … 6w/2778039

“Unavoidably situated on Lower Kimmage Road” doesn’t have quite the same ring though!

“A great opportunity arises to acquire this superb Crampton built family home…”

This great opportunity has arisen by, er, the house being put up for sale. … in/2730238

They’ve written an essay here, stating that they’re “honoured” to offer it.

“double bedrooms that ooze space” - you usually have to wait for the survey to find this kind of stuff out, but they warn you in advance…

“The elegant exterior of this fine residence gives just a flavour of the exceptional craftsmanship and high standard of design which is evident throughout the house.”

Now is a good time to look at that elegant exterior: … -9/2810617

To cap it all off it finishes the list of ‘features’ with:
“Dreams simply do come through!”**


LMAO. Some exterior alright.

Lovely interior, in fairness. I’m just not prepared to pay 350K for a 2 bed

The overly-used “deceptively spacious” might mean the opposite of what the EA wishes to convey.

If the property’s spactiousness is deceptive; could this not mean it’s smaller than it looks? :angry:

Photo 2
“Anything good on TV?”
“We’re watching a photo of the elegant exterior of our fine residence”


Sure what else would you be watching!?

Great spot

‘Realistically priced for quick sale’

as opposed to all of our other properties that are unrealistically priced cause we don’t want to sell them? … re/956135/

There is quite a few properties on market that are priced to not be sold.

What the fuck does “not overlooked” mean (usually in relation to a garden)?

your neighbour can’t see you sunbathing in the nip

The EA should look up the word hyperbole in his/her well-thumbed dictionary