I presume you fired him on the spot?
I won’t believe it until I see the myhome ad. I assume for now he’s just playing up to my obvious dorkiness.
But… but… there likely won’t be a single “within a short stroll of…” or “blank canvas on which to put your own stamp”.
Presumably the readout is calibrated to start at + five feet, rather than zero?
I might write the myhome ad myself.
“Celtic Tiger-era semi-detached house with 4 upstairs rooms in which beds will technically fit, architected to meet arbitrary stamp duty threshold. Windowless bathroom perfect for agoraphobe. Mature gardens containing period-correct builders rubble under thin layer of topsoil. Surprising free of pyrite. Within distance of Spar, generic Chinese and Romayos takeaways as per mandatory national planning guidelines. Choice of schools servicing immigrants, gaeltards or priest-dodgers. Door locks in turn-key condition”.
Windows, doors and other mod cons included?
This is what €995K in Bray buys you…
“The convenience of a condensing zonal heating system”
Condensing boiler fitted - check
A motorised valve fitted to allow you to control bedroom heating on a separate timer - check
In that same ad:
“Bray is buzzing with excellent restaurants”
Huh? Name one.
There’s plenty of places you can go for a decent bit of nosh at a decent price. But “excellent”? Box Burger? The Martello?
Reminds me of the time I first went to the (indeed) excellent Harbour Bar.
“You do toasted sandwiches?”
“Sure, toasted cheese n’ ham or The Special”.
“What’s in The Special?”
“Cheese, ham and onion”
Not so much say as do. Look as this Great Leap Forward in marketing technology - the virtual tour … on the back of a snail.
Compare to how the Dutch have been doing it for yonks… the tabs across the top bring you to different rooms
I’m sure it’s been mentioned before but surely “oozing” brings up the same negative connotations as “deceptively”. I must have tripped across the term a dozen times this last week
It’s deceptively common but oozes desperation.
A half a million for that doll’s cabin? Take me to the airport now!
“Number 161 is positioned discreetly in a tranquil and ‘traffic free’ cul-de-sac ideal for families with a large green open space that is the perfect area for children to play in the summer sunshine…”
What does ‘traffic free’ in quotes mean? Not traffic free? Kind of traffic free?
The rest of the ad is replete with the over-written EAese one would expect.
Very strange phrase indeed - it doesn’t actually mean traffic free as I assume the owners will need to park there.
Not one of the Bray estate agents I’d chose to sell my property. This is kind of typical of the less-than-sterling service offered.
“presented in excellent decorative order throughout and very much represents
Investors will gobble it up
“Rarely does an opportunity arise to purchase a detached single storey one bedroom property in need of extensive refurbishment on a well-established road synonymous with tremendous convenience located right beside beach and town.”
One does have to concede this kind of opportunity a rare one.
Just when you thought their descriptive narrative couldn’t get any more crass, step forward SF on 2 Temple Road:
"Taking a cue from Facebook, SherryFitzgerald are reported to be in the process of live-testing an AI algorithm aimed at automating the residential copywriting process. "
One with the IQ of a plant pot, by the looks of it.
One step up from an EA copywriter, then.